Dating because of your books

I'd like to take this short moment to apologize for breaking my promise of writing every day. Friday and Saturday I hung out with some new friends while Sunday and Monday I was just lazy. Like I wrote in my post on the dangers of unemployment, “There's always tomorrow.” Without further ado, today's post.

Note: This entry is inspired/a reaction to a recent New York Times article about love and literature. It is recommended that you read the article before reading the post so you understand some of the context in which this post is written.

I will admit two things off the bat: My favorite book is Cien años de soledad by Gabriel García Márquez which I just read for the 4th time 2x each in Spanish and English (the original is far superior), and, having successively LTRed and dated some non-readers, I've decided that it matters to me that you are a reader. The article does have a point though; as a male, I am unlikely to kick a non-reading girl out of bed (not that I've been in a position to do that recently anyway), but the reality is that I'm going to be much more into you if you are a reader. As the article also says, “to some reading men, literary taste does matter,” and I am one of those men. Also, anyone who has ever seen me attempt (aka fail) to pick up girls in a bar knows I'm unlikely to succeed anyway, so chances are I'm already going to have some previous connection and books are going to have come up.

I will gladly admit that for me nothing is sexier than intelligence; more than a pretty face, a great body, or sexy lingerie (though they don't hurt). As someone who got an MA in literature and who blogs about that topic more than any other, literature is a pretty big passion in my life, and being content with a book club for that stimulation and not my significant other, like one person in the article, simply isn't good enough. Now, I'll admit that my tastes recently have lent themselves to the esoteric side of the literary spectrum, so I won't expect whatever girl I'm interested in to share it exactly, but romance novels and beach side bestsellers aren't going to cut it. The reality is that I don't want my significant other to share my interests, literary or otherwise, exactly. That's boring. I go back to my original statement: intelligence is sexy. I would much prefer someone have an intelligent thought that is their own and challenges my own, than completely agree with me, or, even worse, believe something just because someone told you to think that way.

I feel like the friend at the beginning of the article got it all wrong. The fact that her boyfriend had never heard of Pushkin (or any other writer for that matter) shouldn't be a deal-breaker. It gives her an opportunity to expose her bf to something new, something for them to talk about rather than their typical conversation. Now, if he resists or the conversation reveals something else about your relationship that is grounds for breaking up, then by all means break up. But the idea of having simply not read something as grounds for breaking up is redonx. ed: On the ridiculousity scale, ridiculous is the lowest followed by redix, redonkulous, and capped off by redonx. For the record, Pushkin sounds awfully familiar, and I'm pretty sure I've read something of his. I just have no idea what. Guess she would have broken up with me.

As I've already hinted at, I will agree though that literary tastes are a good measure of someones interests in general and our compatibility. It isn't so much what specifically you're reading; Gd knows there's tons of interesting literature out there. Instead, it's the level and to a certain extent genre that you are reading. If you're reading The Secret while I'm reading Proust or even Heller or Burgess to use something more modern, then we have a problem. However, if you're reading something cutting edge or just something that I've never heard of before, it could be really awesome as well, and I'm a fan of reading all things awesome. Again, with literature being such a huge part of my life, it's going to be something I want to share with whomever I'm dating. Oh, I also wish to respectfully disagree with the person who thinks Ayn Rand is a “hilariously bad writer” since, with some exceptions, I find her writing to be quite good.

I will admit though that as someone more or less in the minority of male readers, I would have thought that it wouldn't be as hard as it is to find people to date. Not to say that I haven't met dating potential girls, because I have, but things don't seem to be working out as well as I would like. Of course, this could also be a result of my own idiocy, but oh wells. I mean, I'm the type of guy that you are almost never going to have to drag to some cultural activity. I enjoy the theater immensely, have started to take a real liking to art museums, and I'm never without at least 1 book on my night table. I also have the unique ability to have intelligent conversation on a myriad of topics. You'd think I'd be a hotter commodity than I am. ::shrug:: Life works in interesting ways.

To sum up a mostly discombobulated ramble, what a girl reads matters to her overall appeal. Too far a gap between our reading tastes is just not going to cut it. That being said, I'd never break up with a girl simply because she's never heard of Neruda (Though it really doesn't get much better than 20 poemas de amor y una canción desesperada which never leaves my night table.) or Vargas Llosa or Albertí or any number of amazing Spanish-language writers, or even some of my favorite English writers (Rand, Heller, Pratchett among others). All I ask for is that she be open to reading something new, and I'll do the same. I'm sure that we're not going to be compatible on every level. Like I said before, what would be the fun in that? But, as was a problem in a previous relationship, if one person has a passion that the other person simply has no interest in whatsoever, then there are problems.

I wonder if any of that made any sense? Oh wells, off to continue reading Walt Whitman. Read on!

Music listened to while writing this blog: Justice-Cross (cool electronika my friend introduced me too)